Mourning; I have MS
Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss. Grief is a complex experience, but a normal one for those who have a chronical illness like MS.
What did I lose? You have lost a lot such as the potential loss of physical abilities such as walking, balance and vision and there is a potential loss of cognitive skills like thinking, memory and concentration abilities. MS fatigue or lassitude is described by those with MS as having the flu or dragging around an anchor. It also represents a diminishment of your energy, muscle strength and brain power. It also contributes to the loss of friendships, meaningful relationships and employment.
You lose your physical and emotional well-being, sense of self and the way you once imagined your life. This” MS vulnerability” means that you never know exactly how you will feel from day to day, minute by minute, hour by hour as it is an unpredictable course of the disease.
Experiencing Grief
No 2 people are likely to experience grief the same way.
• Difficulty concentrating
• Anger – If I only know back then I will have made a different choice
• Irritability
• Withdrawal from others
• Numbness
• Loneliness, or a sense of separateness from others
• Intense sadness or tears when a memory is triggered
There are 5 stages
1- Anger
People get angry with the doctor that give them the diagnoses sometimes the previous doctors that couldn’t tell them years ago and sometimes with God.
2- Bargaining
At this stage people try to avoid the inevitable.
They make deals with fate, God, the doctors and their family. If you help me through this I will become a nicer person, I will attend church more, I will change my lifestyle and more promises
3- Sadness and depression
This is the point when feelings of all you have lost seems too much to bear.
Sadness can lead to depression; if you are worried about yourself speak to your GP or any other healthcare profession.
4- Acceptance
Eventually people can accept what is happening and feel that they can move on.
5- Coping with grief
• Stop asking ‘Why? Ask ‘What can I do now?
• Rest when you need to and spoil yourself.
• Ask for help from family, friends or professionals and accept their support
• Keep your normal routine when you can and take time to socialise.
• Avoid making major decisions.
• Remind yourself grief can take time- go through it at your own pace.
• Tell yourself you will survive, the feeling will pass.
• Find one thing to be grateful for every day and keep a list.
• Take time to help others
Is mourning part of healing?
When you grief, you often have intense and enduring feelings of disbelief, shock, despair and guilt that can be hard to deal with even so , these feelings are a normal part of the healing process. Experiencing them will allow you to move on with your life. Grieving such losses is important because it allows us to ‘free-up’ energy that bound us to the loss off the physical wellness and you can find another way to deal with the physical impairment, to work it differently and reapply that energy.
Self-care steps to help me with my loss.
A) Eat a healthy diet.
B) Exercise regularly
C) Get enough sleep
D) Maintain your normal (as we know it) routine.